The BMI Bandit and The Yoga Warrior
The BMI Bandit and The Yoga Warrior (real names Boris Skinner and Benny Bender) are characters first introduced via the title and video for "The BMI Bandit vs. The Yoga Warrior for Omnivore of the Year". They are two terrorists from the Stickman Timeline who traveled to our timeline via the carpal tunnel that Stack Man built. Their goal is an ideological hate of body fat, trying to eliminate 100% of it through psychological terror and propaganda. They're wanted in 69 different dimensions, and are currently hiding out in the main timeline, pretending to be bathroom graffiti at a local gym in Norway. No inter-dimensional police have put any resources into looking for them, as they've all used up their budgets on fat-free donuts and illegal weaponry. While usually partners, they sometimes fight over who is "the most healthy", having fencing battles where the winner gets to chug 5 liters of diet soda in celebration. Appearance The BMI Bandit is a blue Stickman with green spiked hair. He tends to wear a face mask in a failed attempt at hiding his identity, as well as spiked shoulder-pads, boots and a spiked knee-pad. His weapons of choice are a dagger and his mother's BBQ trident that he stole. The Yoga Warrior is a red Stickman with yellow styled hair. He also regularly wears spiked shoulder-pads, but prefers a sweatband instead of a mask as to keep his hair out of his eyes when doing acrobatic moves. His shoe is spiked to try and scare off anybody who get too close. His weapon of choice is a bread knife he claims is a professional fencing sword. Backstory Both the BMI Bandit and the Yoga Warrior were born in a small town in the great pencil forests of North Blanksheetica. At a young age both were interested in inter-dimensional travel, and became friends in school after discussing the concept in a science class. While a lot of the other students saw opportunity to learn things from such an amazing concept, the two boys instead wanted to, in their own words, "troll the freaks" as their main goal. After graduating high school at Sharpner High in Pencilvania with high grades in gym, attendance, following orders and nothing else, they enrolled into the Eraserhead University on a stickball scholarship to try and find out how to travel between timelines. Here they learned about the brilliant scientist Stack Man and of his work on the carpal tunnel, a way to travel between dimensions. After dropping out of college due to refusing to believe in the third dimension, they started following the work of Stack Man religiously, living in the basement of Boris' mother and eating her food. Once the announcement of a working carpal tunnel arrived, they packed their things and went to the grand opening. Here, they snuck into the tunnel before it was unveiled and started on a lengthy inter-dimensional crime spree. Crimes & Propaganda The crime duo are known for doing "stunt crimes" to cause media attention and controversy, usually with the goal of mocking anybody who isn't a stick. A common thing they do is rob bakeries and candy stores while spray-painting on the walls diet "advice" and recipes for turnip based pastries. Other favorite crimes of theirs includes stealing candy from babies and old ladies while lecturing them about "proper" exercise, beating up the homeless for not eating the right kind of designer brand vegan food endorsed by celebrities, and sending arson threats to orphanages who can afford more than cabbage for their kids. The police usually don't care about any of their crimes until they go for any politicians or famous business-men, in which case they are immediately put on a most wanted list and hunted down. Their ability as Stickmen to look like graffiti and only being visible when seen near a wall has helped them escape the short arm of the law many times however. Their self-described "harmless trolling" is usually accompanied by written and designed material to further their ideology that they claim to not be a part of. On scenes of their crimes, they often leave a calling card with a piece of "advice" on it, and the phone numbers of quack-salvers who claim to have miracle weight loss solutions on the back. These phone numbers are all fake however, and leads to an answering machine message where they defend their actions as "important for the future existence of the stick man" while interjecting "it's all a joke, don't take it too seriously" between every other line. Trivia * The inspiration for their characters comes from exercise-obsessed Norwegians and diet-obsessed internet bodyshamers. * The pose of the Yoga Warrior is in fact the Yoga move known as the Warrior Pose. Media Category:Characters Category:Lore & Fiction